Over the past few years I, like so many other Black women in particular, have begun to embrace the notion of living a “soft life.” While social media posts and tropes suggest that this is yet another first-world, 21st century trend that prioritizes material luxury over substance, what it’s come to represent is a shift in how we live that allows us to invite more ease into our day-to-day. Living a soft life isn’t just about money, although it’s ridiculous to dispute the role financial stability and well-being have in granting access to certain tools and resources that can contribute to the ease we’re seeking. And yet, that’s not all it is; more than anything, it’s a mindset, at least to me. It’s the slow but intentional unlearning of stress-induced response, of cortisol-increasing reactions, of fight or flight impulse.

In the year and some change since I lost my job, I’ve watched so many of the things that I’d begun to rely on in orienting my life towards more softness fall away: First and foremost, my income. I went from some semblance of comfort–being able to pay my rent and other bills on time and having a little left over, a growing 401(k), money for nonsense, etc.–to relying on unemployment insurance that hardly covered my most basic living expenses. And when the unemployment insurance ended in early February, and none of the resumes and applications I’d been feverishly sending out into who knows where for the past 6 months had rendered much in the way of interviews let alone job offers, I was terrified. When I had to move out of my home of nearly 4 years at the end of February, despite my landlady’s incredible generosity and support during these crushing months, I was devastated, humiliated, and utterly defeated.

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Thankfully, I had family that was willing to take me in for this extended period of what the fuckness, also known as figuring out what’s next.

One thing is for sure: This is not what I expected my 50th year to look like. At all!

Career-wise, I’ve never wanted to do anything other than music. I’ve always only truly wanted to be a singer and songwriter, and over the years I’ve allowed that dream to expand to include an array of options in terms of how I get there and what I do along the way. I’ve spent this past year exploring a new path in my life as a musician: Music supervision and music sync. Of course, as an artist I have been working to get my songs placed in TV shows, films, commercials, etc. But on the other side of that is an entire profession of people who source and select music, who work with studios and labels to procure music, and even who seek and hire musicians to create music specifically for use in visual media. All of this has captured my imagination, so I’ve set my sights on making this new professional dream a reality.

I recently submitted for an internship with a sync licensing agency and had to create a playlist of songs I’d love to place in visual media. Check it out below:

So, what does any of this have to do with softness and soft life?

Our pursuit of softness is not only affected by the chaos and disorder of the world we’re living in right now, but for so many of us, also the strain of navigating a job market that’s become increasingly hostile. And so in an effort to control that which I can, I made the decision months ago to limit my consumption of certain media–social and otherwise, and to set clear, firm boundaries with friends, loved ones, and professional connections when it comes to help in my job search.

I’ve become more comfortable telling folks that I want to make a career pivot out of marketing and into music supervision. I know that this may take some time, and it’s a weird space to be in because it also may require a significant pay cut that I’m honestly not sure I can sustain given my current circumstances. Still, it’s something I want to do, so I’m seeking out opportunities and expanding my network with this goal in mind.

I’m also pushing back on doom and gloom. Recent reports about the 300k Black women who’ve been pushed out of the workforce in the past couple months have overtaken my social feeds, and for good reason. And yet, as a Black woman who’s been out of the workforce for more than a year, as much as I understand the urgency and significance of this situation, I absolutely, positively, 100% do not need folks DM’ing, emailing, or texting me with this information day after day. In the immortal words of Evilene in one of my favorite movies of all time, The Wiz, “If you’re gonna bring me something, bring me something I can use/but don’t nobody bring me no band news.”

Similarly, I’ve reached my limit with folks offering advice on how to conquer the job search–especially if they aren’t actively in the trenches. It’s not that it’s bad information, it’s just that it’s wildly irrelevant in this moment.

I’ve learned to simply say to well-intentioned folks whom I know just want to help, “This isn’t helpful.” And I’ve learned that when I tell people what I need and how I’d like them to help me if they can, they’re more than happy to try. Sometimes we all need that gentle redirection to focus on what’s possible instead of dwelling on everything that threatens to disrupt progress.

This is what softness looks like for me right now: Making my needs and wants clear, accepting the help that arrives, and regularly expressing gratitude to those who make themselves available to me. It matters not whether a warm introduction or referral yields a new gig; when folks offer to meet me where I am in this moment and lend whatever they have, I’m thankful.

In an era where we’re all doing whatever we can to protect our peace and live to see another sunrise, I’m more determined than ever to orient myself in such a way that I move in purpose and in the direction of softness. I expect challenges, and in fact, I welcome them. I’m not in denial about the gravity of the times we’re living in collectively or the lingering uncertainty of what I’m personally experiencing right now.

I’m doing everything I can to unclench my jaw, relax my shoulders, and replace fear with a bit more forward momentum.

Softness, in mind, body, and spirit.